The Philosofer

Click here for the leaked trailer for “Noah”

So the Noah & the Ark story is coming out in film form and it actually looks pretty good.  It’s also been made by one of my all time favorite directors, Darren Aronofsky.  Of course Christians around the world (or at least in the States) are enthusiastic about seeing their favorite Bible story come to life.  But for me I have serious misgivings…

Normally, when Hollywood makes movies of genocide they take place in Africa and are portrayed in a negative light.  Well, the movie will probably take place in Africa and who knows what light it will be portrayed in but I have to wonder.  Why are so many people excited about one of the most atrocious stories of mass murder that has ever been purported?  I had this thought a few years ago remembering that I grew up coloring pictures of animals making their way to the ark. This of course was before “God” flooded the entire planet, murdering innocent men, women and children not to mention all the plant and animal life destroyed because, apparently, God felt regretful.

There are some very important questions we need to be asking.  Tell me again, how a perfect, all knowing God can be regretful?  Why is this a children’s story?  Because there are animals?  Why are we ok to just accept that, providing this story is true, which is doubtful to begin with, that this is admirable or even ok?!  Was God so out of options to redeem humanity that his only choice was to kill everyone?  Why not send Jesus a little early?

Ok, so you take the stance that the devil caused the flood and God tried to rescue Noah by giving him the heads up.  So who is appearing to Noah on multiple occasions and telling him this?  The devil?  Who is giving Noah all the incredibly detailed instructions to build the boat?  Who tells Noah to offer a burnt offering to show thankfulness when they hit dry land?  Who is Noah expressing thanks to and for what?  Who is communicating with him telling him the rainbow is not actually sunlight shining through water crystals but a divine sign that he will never flood the earth with water again.  Suspiciously, God says nothing of coffee, tea, milk, or beer.  One has to wonder if we shall someday find ourselves swimming and inebriated in a sea of stout, treading hops and gulping to our inescapable demise.

It all begs the question; why have so many Christians lost their inner compass of morality?  This inner “voice”, be it the Holy Spirit or a conscience or something else entirely, must need a recalibration if we are thinking that God’s only available option for dealing with a sinful and problematic society was to wipe out their entire planetary population.  You can also see that his methods for dealing with sin are about the same through the whole Old Testament.  There seem to be no other viable options to dealing with sin other than wiping out entire civilizations, man, woman, and child.  This God strikes me as a very uncreative problem solver.

The problems may be many but the main one that I see is using the Bible to define our morality.  Yeah, I know, it’s a huge can o’ worms for Christians out there.  But I challenge anyone to look at it from a logical point of view and you will understand.

Slavery?
Condoned in Leviticus 25:44-46, Exodus 21:2-6, Exodus 21:7-11, Exodus 21:20-21, Ephesians 6:5, 1 Timothy 6:1-2, and Luke 12:47-48.

Burning People Alive?
Condoned in Judges 11:29-40, Joshua 7:15, 1 Kings 13:1-2, and 2 Kings 23:20-25.

Subjugation & Inequality Of Women?
Luke 2:22, I Cor 11:3-15, 14:24-35, Ephesians 5:22-23, Colossians 3:18, and I Timothy 2:11-14.  (All New Testament verses, hmm…)

Rape?
Condoned in Zechariah 14:1-2, Exodus 21:7-11, Deuteronomy 21:10-14, 2 Samuel 12:11-14, Deuteronomy 22:23-24, Deuteronomy 22:28-29, Deuteronomy 20:10-14, Numbers 31:7-18, and Judges 21:10-24.

Now being raised a Christian I can provide a counter-argument for almost every one of those verses but ah ha!  Therein lies the dagger!  Why the hell would we make a counter argument?!  Why cannot we just say, “Yeah, those are horrible, horrible things that would never be ok in any sorted of civilized society, something is not right with that.”  And out of fairness you may find one or two people who will admit that but most will put up an argument about how those verses still hold some semblance of validity rather than just saying, “That’s a bunch of craziness and we know better.”

This is the moral swamp we find ourselves slogging through when we hold the belief that the Bible is infallible and without error.  You are forced to either accept atrocities as good OR you have to perform mental gymnastics to vault the hurdle of sensibility that says firmly and with clarity, “no!”  You find yourself celebrating stories like Noah and the Ark and the subsequent catastrophic loss of life as good bedtime stories for children.  And this my friends, is a very scary place to be.

*** This post is a bit of a divergence from our normal middle-of-the-road and hopefully agreeable philosophical ponderings and I accept that.  I don’t aim to make it a habit of bagging on Christianity and the Bible but these were simply my thoughts as I watched the “leaked” trailer for Noah and thought I should share.