The Philosofer

A while back I read a post from Leo Babauta from ZenHabits.net called A Year Without (AYW) where each month Leo would forgo something that he thought was impossible for him to do without.  A fantastic idea and one I wanted to implement in my own life.  So starting the new year I made a list of all the things I thought I couldn’t live without.  Granted these are superfluous things as you will see and not genuine human needs like social interaction, food, sex, and the like.

For January I chose ‘no sweets’ which is vague, I admit, and that vagueness came back to bite me in the ass as I will describe later.  The rest of the list is as follows….

January – No Sweets

I have a huge sweet tooth and I dearly love my sugar.  More on that later.

February – Vegetarian 

No red meat, pork, chicken, or fish.  We’re not big meat eaters as it is, probably only because we can’t afford it most of the time.  Still, we wanted to give vegetarianism a try.

Replacement: Beans, lentils, kale, spinach, eggs, and maybe even a little tofu.  Protein!

March – Exercise every day for 15 minutes

Pretty straightforward.  I’m not too entirely sure how this one is going to work but I wanted to do something every day that got my blood pumping and my muscles burning.  I went with only 15 minutes because that would allow me to do it every day without risking injury as well as not being so overwhelming that I would want to flake out.

Replacement:  Essentially I am replacing being lethargic with being active.

April – No Multi-Tasking 

I have a horrible habit of talking on the phone with a client and reading something online and generally doing more than one thing at a time.  For obvious reasons this is stupid and I know I am operating below par in each activity I am trying to do.

Replacement:  Focus on one thing at a time.  If I’m writing, keep writing until the piece is finished or I come to a good stopping spot.  If I’m on a call, focus on the call, take notes when necessary and do nothing else.  There is no need to juggle 6 different things and perform poorly in all of them.

May – No Alcohol 

I’m a wino alcoholic with tastes he can’t afford.  Basically that means I would drink red wine every night if I could afford it.  Fortunately, my economic status keeps me from imbibing as much as I would like and I just can’t drink bad (read cheap) wine.  Nevertheless, a month dry from the drink will be good to refocus and reevaluate.

Replacement: Kombucha!

June – No Buying Anything New 

…and even harder, no looking at new stuff to buy!  Groceries, household items, and necessities are the exception.  One of my favorite pastimes is cruising craigslist, forums, and websites looking at and researching stuff I would like to buy if I could.  This is a waste of time and often fosters a sense of discontentment with everything I already have.

Replacement: Think with gratitude on what I already have and go out and use all the stuff I thought I couldn’t live without before.

July – Only 30 Minutes Of Non-Work Computer Time Per Day 

30 minutes to respond to personal emails, check Facebook, do research, etc.  The exception to this will be writing for this blog and a handful of other writing projects.  I waste so much time just reading mindless articles and news that doesn’t add to my life in any quantifiable way.  It’s a problem.

Replacement: Reading, writing, going outside, walking the dogs.

August – No Facebook

Really trying to purge that FB habit here.  I will embarrassingly admit that if there is ever a lull in my day to day work I will jump over to FB to check stuff out.  An unnecessary distraction to be sure and it’s got to go.

Replacement:  Reading, writing, going outside, dogs, cooking with Sonja, etc.

September – No Video Games 

Other than reading my #2 go to hobby is jumping on Xbox live with friends and chilling out.  I don’t foresee a problem with this one as I will probably just read more and hopefully spend more time outside.  But it will be good for me to detox and reevaluate my time spent in front of the tv.  I’ll miss the social interaction I have with my brother and other friends but I would like to take time to actually spend time with them in person and do something meaningful.

Replacement:  Spending time, in person, with the people I love.  Board games, group stuff.

October – No Texting & Leaving The Mobile At Home

We are absolutely tethered to our phones and suffer a nervous breakdown if it’s more than an arms reach away.  While I was very nearly the last of my friends to get a mobile phone I am still guilty of not being able to go anywhere without it.  I also wanted to see what it would be like if I called people instead of texted them.  I think it will instigate more personal conversations and prove to be more relational overall.

Replacement:  Being intentional about communicating clearly with people before I leave the house as well as making an effort to connect with people on a day to day basis when I would’ve normally just sent a text.

November – Not Asking Sonja To Do Anything

If you’ve been married for any length of time you will know the nagging temptation to ask your spouse to do something a little differently.  Maybe it is something as innocuous as not moving the garbage can around the kitchen to something that is really bugging you.  I think I sometimes have the bad habit of always asking Sonja to improve something that she does or something about herself.  Not only does this wear on her but I’m sure it erodes her self esteem.  No bueno.

Replacement:  Every time I want to request a change I will think of something positive and will praise in my wife in that area.  Of course, I’ll do this in a way that won’t make her think, “Gee, I wonder what I did wrong” every time I compliment her or say something nice. 

December – Assume & Speak The Best About People

I’m a very honest person.  If I think you’re an asshole I might not tell you to your face and I probably won’t shout it from the rooftops but in the privacy of my own heart you better believe I am going to be judging you.  For the last month of the year I want to absolutely starve myself of judgment, negativity, and gossip.  My goal is to grossly overlook the flaws and issues of my fellow man, making every excuse possible on their behalf for their poor behavior.  This one is going to be killer because I am very harsh in my speech and in my thoughts towards people who I think are not doing what I think they should be doing.  It’s an ugly habit and one I am not proud of.

Replacement:  Making every plausible (and even implausible) excuse for why someone did something that bugged me.  Not only that but finding the good and assuming the best  in everyone I meet and interact with.

If you’ve read Leo Babauta’s post you will see that I stole some of his ideas.  He had a great list and whether or not I read his list I probably would have snagged a few of them.  A handful of the months I don’t anticipate to be too difficult but the rest I can foresee being a challenge.  We all have stuff we lean on for support and I think it’s crucial in our journey of becoming better and better human beings, to find what we’re made of.  Of course the goal of all this is make these things habits and not just something I do for one month out of the year.  I really do want to stop nagging my wife about petty stuff and always maintain balance with sweets, alcohol, and caffeine.  For me, that’s the point of this year, realizing the stuff I waste my time on and lean into are empty and vapid.

Now onto January; month of no sweets…

I set up the year so that more or less, the 1st third was about physical and diet restrictions, the 2nd was more about time management, and the 3rd was about my personal life and character flaws.  January seemed the perfect month to detox from all the overeating and sugary goodness from the holidays.  To be honest I actually did really well and didn’t put on any noticeable weight.  Nevertheless, having the wife that I do and my mother so close by, I am privileged doomed to be overwhelmed with sweety goodness for the entire month of December at least.

Early on I read this article and felt that maybe I had a sugar addiction because of how hard it was for me the first few weeks of January.  I made two mistakes starting out that I am glad I made because in doing so I now have a strategy for the rest of the year and arguably, for some of my harder and more important goals.

#1  No defining exactly what I was going without.
No refined sugar?  Nothing with sweetness to it?  No carbs?  I didn’t clarify and found myself in many compromising situations where I wondered whether I should eat what was in front of me.  By and large when I felt that way I did my best to abstain.  Some notable exception were alcoholic drinks and a tiramasu.  Sonja and I have been experimenting with our growing mini bar and it’s been fun to learn new combinations.  Unavoidably, most of them have sugar and could be considered a violation of my original plan.  One evening we went out to dinner and I turned down dessert but Sonja ordered tiramasu and it was huge and came with 2 forks, 2 forks!!!  Sonja just looked at me and said, “I can’t finish this alone” and the rest was history.  In other news, I freaking love tiramasu.  Lastly, we went camping and a tradition of ours is coffee cake for breakfast.  It is a near transcendent experience for me to drink coffee on a cool crisp morning in nature with a plate of coffee cake in front of me.  For this I did make the exception.

Going forward I have been careful to clearly define specifically what I am abstaining from.  This helps in those moments of temptation where your mind asks you, “did you really mean to not eat sweets or did you mean treats?”

#2  I underestimated my dependance on sugary goodness.
I thought that it would be too much of an issue to just not eat sweets for a month, after all, it’s only a month right?  I think I overestimated my ability and underestimated how much sugary stuff I actually eat.  A little chocolate after lunch doesn’t seem like much until you haven’t had that little chocolate after lunch for 3 weeks.

An independent experience showed me the truth of this a couple weeks back.  I consider myself to be in decent shape.  At any point I feel confident in my ability to drop down and do 50 pushups or run 3-5 miles.  However, I went over to a friends house and did some Crossfit-esque revolutions that absolutely destroyed me and they weren’t even that hard.  Pull-ups, kettle bell swing, push-ups, kettle bell squat, rinse and repeat.  I got through the second rotation and I thought I was going to throw up and promptly pass out head first into the concrete floor.  I sucked up my ego and sat down, admitting that I was feeling like I was gonna lose it all.  We stopped for the day but I was shaking and it took me a good 20 minutes to recover and be able to stand.  It was an indelible experience because I have never felt that and had some serious over-confidence issues to think over.  Similar to going without sugar, I thought I had a lot more self-control in me than I actually did.

I think this failure was crucial in getting the most out of this year.  It showed me, quite clearly, that my estimation of myself is not at all reflective of reality.  In a lot of ways we think too highly of ourselves and to the same degree we don’t give ourselves the credit we deserve.  We often say, “Sure, I can quit smoking anytime” or “I don’t need a drink every night, but it’s kind of my way to unwind” or “I just really like zoning out in front of the tv, there’s nothing wrong with that” and we make excuses for behaviors that we should be second guessing.  We say we can give it up but never prove it to ourselves.  For me, I want to break out of some of those negative habits and find a better balance in my life.  It’s a powerful understanding to take control of the things you enjoy instead of having them take control of you.

If you would like to join me on the Year Without journey it’s not too late!  I would love to build a small community of people who are committed to unpacking their better selves this year.  Leave a comment below and we’ll connect.