The Philosofer

I was sitting eating lunch today and reading when I looked up and saw my dog doing what she’s started making a habit of recently which is rubbing her sides on the couch.

We’ve recently got new-old couches that look a good deal better than our old ones.  These new ones are made of a faux leather and I think the softness is appealing to our dog.  She walks back and forth, smoothing her fur back with each pass.  Perhaps it’s the cold weather that is drying her skin out or maybe she just likes the way it feels for no other complicated reason.  As I watched her today I thought to myself, “She’s basically masturbating”.  Ok, I know not in the traditional sense of giving oneself sexual pleasure but she was doing something that was entirely and without any purpose other than causing pleasure to herself.

I juxtaposed this in my mind with the cultural stigma on masturbation for us a humans in the sexual sense.  You don’t normally hear people extolling the virtues of self-love.  I think the distinction should easily be seen that masturbation (back to the traditional definition) is viewed in a dubious light because it’s essentially a substitute for the real act of intercourse.  It’s also anonymous enough that you can get away with thinking/doing whatever you want without judgment or social accountability.  Not to mention it’s very isolating as well.  I think one of the other distinguishing factors of masturbation is one that isn’t talked about very much and that is that it doesn’t lead to anywhere and doesn’t offer anything lasting.

As I began to think about it I realized that masturbation is prevalent in the very fabric of our Western, Americanized culture.  We are filled to the brim with masturbatory activities.  We veg out watching tv, show after show after show with nothing to “show” for it.  Just an encyclopedic knowledge of everything that is popular on cable and a mushy, lethargic brain.  This is masturbation.

We live for the weekend where, once Friday night hits, we get dressed up and go out.  Drinking and partying till the sun comes up.  For what purpose?  To what end?  Monday morning starts and you are still the same lame person that you were on Friday.  This is masturbation.

We work hard, too hard, month in and month out and use our workaholic imbalance to justify spending exorbitant amounts of money on more and more toys.  When we were little it was Barbies, Legos, and Hot Wheels.  Now it’s boob jobs, big tv’s, bigger trucks, more stuff, and bigger houses to put it all in.  There is no point except to grant immediate gratification with no lasting purpose.  This is masturbation.

Somewhere in the back of our lizard brain we still think we are poor and starving cave people and feel the need to stuff our faces full of food and more food.  “It’s ok, I’ll hit the gym tomorrow and it’ll be fine”.  Maybe it will but that’s not even the point.  We overeat to feel good regardless of how we really feel afterwards which is bloated, uncomfortable, and shamed by our lack of self control.  You can only say, “It’s just this one time, it’s a special occasion” so many times before it becomes a habit.  This is masturbation.

Another very sneaky area where masturbation hides in the very act of sex itself.  When you make love to your significant other you are fostering affection, investing in your relationship, and coming together for an intimacy that cannot be matched anywhere else in nature.  Many in our society treat coitus with less respect and reverence than they should and this creates a dichotomy.  “It’s just sex, it’s no big deal”  You are pleasuring yourself with no lasting effect, nothing to show for it but a few minutes of fleeting pleasure.  Cheap, irresponsible, and fake love making.  This is masturbation.

I can hear the naysayers shouting, “Don’t judge us, let us be, we’re not hurting anyone!” and that is true to a certain extent.  But there is a hidden truth that you are always hurting someone and that someone is yourself.  You do yourself no favors when you participate in masturbation under the definitions above.  You are subjecting yourself to a meaningless and dead end circuit.  I am of the mind that things can always be better, sure drinking every weekend (or every night) isn’t necessarily the end of the world…but I’m pretty sure one could do a lot better.  That’s the whole point of this blog.  A place where we can explore what it looks like to do life better.  Look around, almost everyone is doing life by default and look how much fun they’re having.  *Sarcasm*

I’m not advocating a move to asceticism by any means.  I am all for pleasure and happiness but I think there is a better way to do it.  Back to my dog, I know that she would forgo rubbing up on the couch for a good hearty back scratch from me in an instant.  In fact, the reason she was walking back and forth against the couch was because she was repeatedly sticking her nose under my hand while I was trying to eat.  So instead of going without she chose the couch.  If you pardon the sloppy dog metaphor (it’s how I think sometimes) I think it presents a powerful picture.  The pleasures we choose and choose to invest in should be lasting and have some sort of end result more than just the passing hedonistic flare.  If we wish to be a people of quality we should engage in things that bring us value in the long term.  I don’t believe that this needs to be “lesser” pleasures either.  Things like reading, growing a garden, meditating, making a fermented beverage, playing a table game with friends and family, traveling with intentionality, building something and the list goes on and on.  Those are some of the things I like to do that I feel give me something more than just a passing fancy, they make me a better person and that makes all the difference.

Is what you’re doing making you into a kinder, loving, smarter, and more compassionate person?

This is the question we need to ask ourselves and that we need to answer with brutal and unwavering honesty.  This is our scepter to discern between the holy and unclean.

I don’t want to sit here and make a manifesto of the the allowed and disallowed activities, those are up to you as a smart, conscientious, and self-aware adult.  However, I think the divining rod is easy to use and understand if you are open to seriously looking at your life and pruning those activities which are unfruitful.  I know I have and as a result am doing my Year Without which I have written about here.  If you’re interested I would challenge you to join me as we go through this next year cutting back the inefficient, unhealthy, and masturbatory activities in our lives.